Impatience Is a Form of Unbelief
———————
Genesis 3: 1-6, 22-24
“1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.
22 And the Lord God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.”
23 So the Lord God banished him from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he had been taken. 24 After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.
———————
Taking the First Step
I’ve never shared publicly the story of how I was called to ministry. But a few weeks ago, I was speaking with someone who had recently made a major life change, and I realized it might be helpful to share how I came to serve this church.
I moved back to Ohio almost two years ago because my life was ready for a change. My best friend had died. I was living at the peak of my DPSW – Dark Period of Self-Will – and was starting to realize for the first time how deeply unhappy I was.
When I first came back here, I only really changed my location. I thought it would be enough to live a quieter life than the life I had lived for over 20 years in New York City, Los Angeles, Stockholm. I thought settling myself back home would bring the change I sought.
So when I first moved back, I kept a lot of my life the same as it had been. I kept my job working in technology, taking advantage of COVID changes to work remotely at a company back in New York City. This worked out alright for a while.
But once I made that first change of moving back home, it was quickly obvious to me – and to those around me – that I was still unfulfilled. I began focusing more on my artwork, and for the first time in my life got some results I was actually happy with.
I felt a strong pulling to leave my career in technology behind. But I was very unsure about it. Just to see what else was out there job-wise, I became certified to be a substitute teacher. Some months later, I applied for a part-time job at a bank.
Right after interviewing at the bank and realizing I would be offered a job – a job that, keep in mind, would represent a massive pay cut of around 90% – I prayed and prayed for guidance from God. I felt lost.
How could I leave behind my graduate degree in business, and my career in technology I’d spent 15 years cultivating? Then one night in the midst of all this prayer and bouts of self-will, I had a dream. I dreamt about a figure from Greek mythology, Cassandra.
In Greek mythology, the God Apollo has the hots for Cassandra. Trying to woo her, he gives her a special blessing – the ability to see into the future. But when Cassandra ultimately turns Apollo down, the God turns that blessing into a curse: no one will believe her prophecies.
I woke up the morning after having this incredibly vivid dream and wanted to read more about it. So I plodded back to my book room and took my copy of Bulfinch’s Mythology off the shelf. It was literally dusty; I hadn’t opened this book since maybe just after I finished college.
I sat down, the book on my lap, with the intention of turning to the pages with the story of Apollo and Cassandra. But it was very early in the morning, my coffee was still brewing, and I was groggy from just waking up, so I ended up reading the book’s introduction instead.
In the introduction, a question was posed that kept me reading. How is it that this book – the single best and most well-loved book of Greek mythology – was written not by some multiple PhD-holding scholar of ancient Greek culture, but by Bulfinch, a merchant from Boston?
The story is pretty fascinating. Bulfinch was born in 1796, and in his youth earned and lost a couple of small fortunes as a merchant. He was not an academic, but his passions outside of business lay in the realm of ideas. He spent his spare time reading and studying the classics.
Finally, after over 20 years of being unsatisfied chasing wealth in his business career, Bulfinch decided to make a change. He took a job that required less of his time, and he began to write. He spent the rest of his life creating the book that is now known as Bulfinch’s Mythology.
I stopped reading for a moment. The details of this change in Bulfinch’s life seemed strangely familiar to me. Spent his 20s and 30s chasing an unsatisfying career to make money? I could relate. Didn’t find his life’s purpose until leaving his career? Yep. Me too.
Then, all at once, something in my mind put together all the details at once. You see, when Bulfinch left his career to make more time for what really mattered to him, he took a job. As a part-time teller. At a bank.
I couldn’t believe the similarities in the details between Bulfinch’s life story and my own life story, which after moving back to Ohio was unfolding in a new way all around me. But there was more. As I continued reading, I saw Bulfinch switched careers in 1837…
1837? I flipped back a few pages. He was born in 1796. He switched careers in 1837. I did the math in my head. Bulfinch was 41 when he finally dropped his career and began what would become his life’s work.
I was 41 too, and debating whether to leave my career and take a different job that would allow me to pursue my passions. As a part-time teller. At a bank. When my mind put all this together, I almost felt like I was outside of my own body, looking down at myself.
I realized immediately – within an instant – that my dream and this story of the life of Thomas Bulfinch was a direct, clear answer to prayer. Did I suddenly know where stepping away from my old life and into a part-time role as a bank teller would take me? Not at all.
But I DID REALIZE I WAS SIMPLY NOT HAPPY IN MY OLD LIFE. AND I FELT CALLED THAT MORNING TO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT IT WAS YET. But even that morning I didn’t think it was “go and work at the bank for the rest of your life.”
I HAD NO IDEA WHERE THIS NEW LIFE WOULD END UP. BUT I KNEW FOR SURE I COULDN’T STAY LIVING THE WAY I WAS. SO I LEFT MY CAREER BEHIND, AND TOOK THE FIRST STEP AWAY FROM IT.
———————
Two Trees in Eden
Franz Kafka, in his book APHORISMS, has a particularly poignant quote about today’s passage from Genesis: “there is a cardinal human sin, from which all the others derive: impatience... On account of impatience they were driven from Paradise.”
If your first reaction to this is anything like my first reaction, you might be asking yourself: what is Kafka talking about? Most of us have been hearing the story of the Garden of Eden since we were little kids, right? We all know what it’s about.
We hear this story, and we’re told it’s all about obedience. God tells Adam “don’t eat from the Tree of Knowledge.” And Adam tells Eve that as well. But then Eve encounters the serpent. The serpent tempts her to eat the forbidden fruit, Eve does, and Adam does so as well.
As a result of this disobedience, Adam and Eve are banished from the Garden. End of story, right? I mean of course those are indeed some of the facts of the story. But there are other facts that this simple disobedience approach leaves unanswered.
Let’s back up for a moment and look at this story with new eyes, the way I did when I first read Kafka’s take on it. The most important thing our typical reading of the story of the Garden of Eden leaves out is the fact THERE ARE TWO TREES IN THE GARDEN.
God creates the Garden with two special trees. We’re told this clearly in Genesis. There is the Tree of Knowledge, and that’s the tree of the two that gets all the special attention. And rightly so, because that’s the tree they eat from, disobeying God and being banished from Eden.
But what about the other tree, the Tree of Life? God created that in the Garden too, right? What’s going on with that tree? If the Tree of Life is considered in the story of the fall at all, it’s usually as the reason God had to seal up the Garden when He kicked Adam and Eve out.
What if we assume for a moment that the Tree of Life was there because it was a part of God’s plan. That God had a plan, and perhaps if Eve hadn’t been tempted by the serpent, and Adam had stayed obedient to God, the Tree of Life would have been part of the plan.
TO ME, THE FALL ISN’T ABOUT KNOWLEDGE PER SE. IT’S ABOUT WHAT KNOWLEDGE ENABLES. IT’S ABOUT SELF-WILL. IT’S ABOUT THE ABILITY TO THINK WE KNOW BETTER THAN GOD. AND THE RESULT OF SELF-WILL IS THAT WE MISS OUT ON GOD’S PLAN.
I’m reminded by another line from literature, from Shakespeare’s play AS YOU LIKE IT. “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts.”
As Christians, we know that WE AREN’T DIRECTING THE PLAY. WE ARE MERELY PLAYERS IN A GRANDER SCHEME. WHEN WE LOSE SIGHT OF THAT, WHEN WE BECOME COMFORTABLE IN SELF-WILL, WE THINK WE CAN BOTH RUN THE SHOW AND ACT IN IT.
AND ONE OF THE WAYS SELF-WILL IS THE MOST DANGEROUS IS IMPATIENCE. BECAUSE IMPATIENCE IS THE FORM OF SELF-WILL THAT TRICKS US INTO NOT TRUSTING GOD’S PLAN RIGHT WHEN WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF LIVING IN IT.
LIKE ADAM AND EVE, WE SEE SOMETHING THAT LOOKS LIKE A SHORT-TERM OPPORTUNITY, AND IN OUR SELF-WILL WE DECIDE WE SHOULD TAKE IT. WE OPT FOR THE SAFE SOLUTION, AND IN THE PROCESS DISOBEY GOD AND MISS OUT ON HIS PLAN.
———————
Don’t Try and Do God’s Job
Impatience is a form of unbelief. It’s what we begin to feel when we start to doubt the wisdom of God’s timing or the goodness of his guidance. It springs up in our hearts when the road to success gets muddy, or strewn with boulders, or blocked by some fallen tree.
The battle with impatience can be a little skirmish over a long wait in a checkout lane. Or, it can be a major combat over a handicap, or disease, or circumstance that knocks out half your dreams.
The opposite of impatience is not a glib, superficial denial of frustration. The opposite of impatience is a deepening, ripening, peaceful willingness either to wait for God where you are in the place of obedience, or to persevere at the pace he allows on the road of obedience.
WE EITHER WAIT IN PLACE, OR GO AT GOD’S PACE. Augustine wrote that following God is like picking a path across a river by stepping on stones. You see the one immediately in front of you, but you can’t see further out than that. Sometimes the stones are below the water.
IF YOU CAN’T SEE THE NEXT STONE, WAIT. IT WILL APPEAR AS THE RIVER WATER KEEPS COMING PAST. WHEN YOU DO SEE IT – AND YOU KNOW IT – GO. BUT ONLY TO THE NEXT STONE. DON’T RUSH IT, OR YOU’LL FALL INTO THE RIVER.
When the way you planned to run your day, or the way you planned to live your life is cut off or slowed down, the unbelief of impatience tempts you in two directions, depending partly on your personality, partly on circumstances:
On the one side, it tempts you to GIVE UP. If there’s going to be frustration, and opposition, and difficulty, then I’ll just forget it. I won’t keep this job, or take this challenge, rear this child, or stay in this marriage, or live this life. That’s one way the unbelief of impatience tempts you. Give up.
On the other side, impatience tempts you to make rash counter moves against the obstacles in your way. It tempts you to be impetuous, or hasty, or impulsive, or reckless. If you don’t turn your car around and go home, you rush into some ill-advised detour to try to beat the system.
Whichever way you have to battle impatience, the main point today is that it’s a battle against unbelief, and therefore it’s not merely a personality issue. It’s the issue of whether you live by faith and whether you inherit the promises of eternal life.
Listen to these verses to sense how vital this battle is:
Luke 21:19 — “By your patience you will gain your lives.”
Romans 2:7 — “To those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, God will give eternal life.”
Hebrews 6:12 — “Do not be sluggish but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises.”
Patience in doing the will of God is not an optional virtue in the Christian life. And the reason it’s not is because faith is not an optional virtue. PATIENCE IN GOD’S WILL IS THE FRUIT OF FAITH. AND IMPATIENCE IS THE FRUIT OF UNBELIEF. IMPATIENCE IS SELF-WILL.
The battle against impatience is a battle against unbelief. It’s a battle between your will and God’s will. The chief weapons in this battle are the word of God, and prayer. How can you expect guidance from God if you don’t talk to God?
If you aren’t talking to God and reading His word, you’re assuming that you have all the answers. You’re living in Self-Will, not God’s Will. AND SELF-WILL IS A FAILURE OF IMAGINATION. GOD KNOWS WHAT YOU NEED, AND WANTS TO GIVE IT TO YOU.
WE ARE CALLED TO DO GOD’S WORK. NOT GOD’S JOB. AND IF YOU’RE NOT TALKING TO GOD, NOT TRUSTING GOD, YOU’RE TRYING TO *BE* GOD. THIS, MY FRIENDS, DOESN’T WORK. IT’S THE REASON I WAS SO MISERABLE DURING MY DPSW.
———————
Prayer Completes the Circuit
Think of prayer working like a radio signal. There is a transmitter and a receiver, and in between one and the other is an electronic signal that’s carried on radio waves. The transmitter sends a signal, the receiver tunes to it, decodes it, and plays the sound we hear as a radio station.
Take, for example, your car radio. Now, some of you are more fancy than a preacher, and you have something I’ve heard of called “satellite radio.” I myself drive a 2008 Chrysler 300, given to me by my father. I only have the old-school, AM/FM car radio. The kind with an antenna.
What’s going on with a radio like that? Your favorite radio station is broadcasting right now, this moment, as we sit here. It’s playing a song you like, or beaming some timely, helpful news update.
Prayer is tuning in. Though that station is being beamed around on invisible radio waves all the time – just like the presence of God in our lives – we can’t hear it without tuning in. We tune to the station – God – and we hear the signal. We complete the signal circuit; we’re tuned in.
And when we’re tuned in, we sit back and enjoy. We hum along to a catchy tune that takes us away from our worries for a while. We get timely updates helpful to our lives. We feel less lonely. Have you ever listened to the radio on a long drive at night by yourself? It works.
Here’s another important way prayer is like a radio signal. God’s blessings are falling around us, guiding our lives, all the time. Whether we listen or not. Just like a radio station being broadcast in the background all the time. Recognizing those blessings requires us to tune in.
GOD’S BLESSINGS ARE ANSWERS TO PRAYERS WE HAVE YET TO MAKE. Why pray when God knows what we want already? Because God is blessing us all the time. But we don’t see those blessings as answers to prayer if we don’t pray. We need to complete the signal circuit.
Do you see how truly awe-inspiring and perfect our God is? But there’s more; let’s dig a bit deeper. Jesus tells us our father “knows what we NEED before we ask him.” Do you see what Jesus does not say there? With regards to prayer, Jesus does not talk about what we WANT.
Why not? What is the crucial difference between “wants” and “needs?” If you come back to what we talked about last week, WANTS ARE SELF-WILL, NOT GOD’S WILL. AND SELF-WILL IS A FAILURE OF… IMAGINATION.
God knows what I NEED. He knows what I want as well, but he specifically wants to give me what I need, exactly what I need, every moment. And WHAT GOD KNOWS I NEED IS BETTER THAN ANYTHING I COULD THINK I WANT. Because self-will is a failure of imagination.
———————
You’re Never Fully Ready
Let’s come back to the story of me coming into ministry, because there is more to it, and it’s relevant to what we’re talking about in Genesis today. Because after having that experience reading about Bulfinch and his life, and realizing it was an answer to prayer, I balked.
I’d been at the bank only a month or so when my life started moving strongly in the direction of something else. My home church, Grace Methodist, caught fire, and while trying to make sense of it I found a book about Job. I read it, loved it, and started a Study Group to read through it.
Someone in my past reminded me that I’d said several times that if I could do anything I wanted with my life, I’d attend Divinity School. I was praying and reading the Bible. I started a Sunday morning prayer meeting on Zoom with some friends back in New York City.
Finally, I decided to speak with someone about where I might want to go for Divinity School. Nothing more. I was certainly NOT looking for a job as a Pastor at the time. In fact, I was looking at schools where I could study both art AND theology.
That’s what I asked Kelly, our District Superintendent, when he and I met for the first time. Over the course of a few months, that turned into Kelly offering me the chance to serve the churches here in New Moscow and Conesville. I prayed on it for several weeks and finally accepted.
But this is not the end of the story. Because IMMEDIATELY AFTER ACCEPTING THE OFFER TO SERVE HERE AT THESE CHURCHES, I LET SELF-WILL GET THE BETTER OF ME. I started telling myself that Kelly was wrong to offer me this position. I didn’t know what I was doing.
I piled stacks and stacks of theology books up on my kitchen table, trying to read through them all at lightning speed. I was more or less trying to give myself a 3-year Master’s in Divinity degree in 3 weeks. I WAS ANXIOUS, NERVOUS, RESTLESS, IRRITABLE, AND DISCONTENT.
One morning, while I was frantically reading through Augustine and a book of sermons all before the sun came up, I really needed to take a break. I prayed to God to bring me peace and calm, but it wasn’t working. I paced around my apartment, looking for a distraction.
Then I remembered that a new book had just come in the mail, and I hadn’t opened it yet. I found the package, tore it open, and started to read. The book was APHORISMS, BY FRANZ KAFKA. And the very first page I read contained the quote from above, about Genesis.
Just like the experience with Bulfinch, the fact that this was an answer to prayer hit me all at once. So, I realized: I was willing to trust God to move back to Ohio, I was willing to trust God to leave my career and prior education behind, to accept this position, then I stopped?
There I was, in the middle of crossing a river, as sure I was being called to get to the other side as I was about the all the rocks I’d stepped on to come this far, AND NOW I THOUGHT SOMEHOW THAT GOD WAS JUST GOING TO DROP ME?
I REALIZED RIGHT THERE, READING KAFKA IN MY APARTMENT, THAT IT WOULD BE THE GREATEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN MY LIFE IF I HAD COME TO BE GIVEN A GLIMMER OF GOD’S PLAN FOR ME AND FAILED TO FOLLOW IT THROUGH.
I calmed down. I prayed to thank God. I took my dog for a long walk. I called my friend John to tell him what had just happened. I thanked the person who had suggested I buy the Kafka book. And when I got home, I started putting all the theology books back on their shelves.
